Puddles

What's the feeling you find most unbearable? I'm not talking fingers down a chalkboard or a balloon being rubbed (*shudder*) but that sensation you just can't stand.

For me it always used to be the feeling you get the morning after the night before, when you realise you've said or done something idiotic, something you'd never do sober. I once woke up to find myself surrounded by chair legs and a room that had literally been turned upside down, all done by some disgruntled friends I'd annoyed the night before. Which was genius as my sore head couldn't make sense of how or why I was sleeping on the ceiling and trapped in a cage. Of course the logical solution would be to become less of a tit when you've had a few to drink. Or, in my case, a dwindling social life will take care of the problem at source.

Every so often that cringeing sensation would come when I wasn't recovering from the effects of the Wine Appreciation Society or '20p a pint night' (God bless University) but instead watching my local news. You can guarantee every year Calendar (Yorkshire news programme for those lucky enough not to have seen it) will run a story showcasing a fat kid (ironically what they'd call a 'filler') performing a lousy version of a song to his school/the cameras. What was meant to be a touching story will instead have you wincing and in my case reaching for the remote, unable to watch any more.

As I've entered my 30's however all of this has taken a back seat to a much stronger feeling. That of unbridled anger you're left with when you encounter inept, danger to themselves, chromosome-challenged morons who - and this is the worst bit - have no idea what impact their actions have.

I sense you're not quite with me so let me give you some examples. When was the last time you followed someone in the supermarket only for them to stop, blocking the whole aisle with their thoughtlessly placed trolley, oblivious to you until you have to ask if they wouldn't mind getting out of your way? Or the Customer Advisor on a premium rate helpline that took 5mins and 3 attempts to navigate the right automated options followed by 10mins on hold listening to pan pipe music, who can't grasp the simple thing you're explaining or fix the mistake they've inexplicably billed you for? Or the coffin-dodger who pulls out from a junction in front of you, forcing you to brake sharply but who hasn't checked his rear view mirror in 20 years so can't see you flashing/mouthing/gesturing?

To a greater or lesser extent, you're left with that blood-boiling anger and frustration, not that they have inconvenienced you, but that they haven't acknowledged or apologised for what they've done and so in all likelihood will go on to infuriate someone else.

And it's in that spirit I'd like to tell you a little bit about what I've encountered in my last few runs. Just yesterday I went out, in between the showers, and had only been gone a few minutes when an oncoming vehicle decided my presence didn't merit her changing the line she was driving, thus forcing me to stand and wait for her to pass with my feet in one of the large puddles. I can only thank God I was out in the open country and that it was windy, because I turned the air so blue that Batfink would have been proud of how far my 'F bombs' could otherwise be heard.

Not long after, a woman in a red golf (note how the details stay with you) flew past me so close that some rubble bounced up and hit me.

Now don't get me wrong these people are the minority, and no matter how knackered I am I'll always put my hand out to say thank you to those who haven't scared the crap out of me. But as a rule of thumb I'd encourage you all not only to give runners and cyclists plenty of room but also to pull out early. Not only does it say "Don't worry I've seen you" but leaving it until the last minute can cause problems too.

Twice in the last few days vehicles have waited until they're nearly upon me to pull out. In the case of the stereotypical neanderthal driving the HGV that I suspect did so deliberately, it meant that the 2 cars that were (naturally) tucked up behind him waiting to overtake didn't see me or know why the HGV had pulled out, leaving them to swerve at the last second.

Again I don't want to come across all Victor Meldrew. There's been plenty of times I've cut things a little close in a car or no doubt pissed off others. But I like to think the difference is that I'm aware I've done it and will always put my hand up to say sorry if not apologise.

It was announced recently that the world population has passed the 7 billion milestone giving further food for thought as to, well, how we'll feed them. You'd be right in thinking it doesn't really have too much of an impact in a quiet little
village in North Yorkshire however I'm not one to shirk a challenge (unless it's asking me if I'll do another run after this one I'm planning) so I've come up with a plan. Why don't we do away with all those people who during the course of our day do something that leaves us feeling so angry? Maybe a 3 strikes and you're out rule so that we get the serial offenders and not the accidental incompetents?

Of course if your answer to the very first question was 'meeting people who are intolerant of others', the chances are it's me that you'd have away with!