Cycling

I'm without question a man of routine. Of predictability and careful consideration. You might have seen it in action but never thought anything of it. Like if I'm shopping, you can guarantee no matter how much I like something I can't muster the spontaneity to buy it there and then. Instead I make a note of how much it is then go and research it at home. Can I get it cheaper? Does it get good reviews? Or you might have seen me at work, eating the same lunch every day until eventually my taste buds are beaten to submission and I'm forced to change. Nothing too controversial mind, maybe just the sandwich filling. Wouldn't want to push the boat!

Every time I return to the area I grew up in I'll act in horror at any changes - "There's an HMV in Harrogate!", "What happened to The Shoe Tree?!" In fact I'm so averse to it that Emma recently concluded that I'll never leave her for another woman "because you don't like change do you?"

So I've found the last 11 days since I last went for a run pretty tough. Regardless of how much you avoid a big change in your life the prospect of getting fit is really difficult if you're not accustomed to it. Take my sister for example. Me doing this has inspired her to step up her start a fitness regime and in the past couple of weeks she told me she'd even got as far one day as putting her trainers on.

I don't say this to mock but because I know what a leap of faith it is to throw yourself into and stay committed to going running. Having created a new habit of going out several times a week my injury came at just the wrong time. Being sidelined I quickly rediscovered old bad habits, eating comfort food on a comfortable sofa. I've heard it said (from the types of people who go to the gym on their foreign holiday, so possibly not to be fully trusted) that exercise is addictive. Certainly anyone who's been a regular at the gym will recognise the feel-good buzz you get after a work-out. Although admittedly in my case that was mostly derived from the knowledge that I wouldn't have to go back for another few days.

It's felt frustrating that my body has let me down so soon, so I trudged into the Doctors on Monday for some help, half fearing the need for physio for several months. Instead the final year medical student (called Dr Ben Jamin I swear!) looked petrified at the prospect of diagnosing anything more serious than a cold so was relieved when his mentor, one of the resident Doctors, entered the room. She in turn looked fearful when I mentioned I knew where she lived and hadn't quite yet run as far as her house, being on my route. In hindsight maybe the unshaven look and sweats did make me look more festive burglar than athlete-in-training....

She recommended I do half an hour's stretching every day (!!) and strengthen the knees by doing some cycling until it feels better.

To minimise the rambling for now I'll only focus on why the 2nd part of that prescription was terrifying.

There's a number of things I dislike about cyclists:
- Cyclists who ride in clubs and form pelotons
- Cyclists in pairs who arrogantly think they can ride side-by-side to force the cars behind them to slow down to their pace
- The outfits. I was once playing at my local golf club when a pair came cycling past on the near-by road, shouting at me and my mate for playing a "gay sport". By the time we thought to point out their head-to-toe lycra they were annoyingly out of earshot.

In spite of that I tried taking it up a couple of years ago, using the brilliant 'Cycle To Work' Scheme (though living 20 miles away I'd no intention of doing anything but drive to work) and persevered with a twice-weekly ride on an evening throughout the summer. It only served to add more reasons to that list, namely:
- No matter what time of year you always end up spitting out bugs
- In wet and muddy conditions you end up with a line of it down your back. If only it worked as a 'go faster' stripe
- Riding over poor road surfaces and speed bumps is a genuine torture method

But most of all, what never used to happen when you were a young (and lightweight) kid is the pain in your arse. It's agony and the only people who argue otherwise have a) been into it for so many years they forgot what it was like before they lost all feeling in their rear and/or b) they've spent a fortune on an outfit that includes a padded bum, thus managing to make their attire look even more ludicrous.

Put simply, cycling is for masochists. And they generally talk like this http://youtu.be/DciHPmkNOgE

Nevertheless lots of people had recommended it to me as part of my training schedule, and the doctor's advice did make sense. So after stewing on it for a few days, again not wanting to change my routine, I decided to give it a go today.

It didn't start well. The last time I went out on my bike was a few months ago to post a letter less than half a mile away and I couldn't believe how much hard work it was. Today I discovered why - having not used it for 2yrs before that the tyres were flatter than Katie Price's record sales.

Plus I forgot how much of a berk I look in a helmet... 

I soon regretted wearing the football shirt I generally go running in, the cold drizzle going right through me. But this was soon forgotten with the onset of numb bum that only worsened throughout the rest of the 7.5mile journey.

The one bright spot was getting a toot of the horn from Keith, God bless his optimistic soul.

I clambered off my bike and walked back to my house looking like John Wayne with a serious bout of haemorrhoids. Fortunately for my sore bum though I had a comfortable sofa to look forward to, which at this point I am certain would again be just what the Doctor ordered.

MM